VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
