Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
