I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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