haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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