How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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