yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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