I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
