I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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