fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
