So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
