My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
there is puke in my bra ... again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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