Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
