the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
