so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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