apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
