i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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