Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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