OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
