How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
