Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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