In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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