I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
