He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
