did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Houston, we have a squirter
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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