i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
worst night to have a conscience
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
