Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
