She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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