Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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