I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I could fuck to npr.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize