Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
