Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
