Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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