Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
