Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
