No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
