nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
