Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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