Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
