Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
