I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
