dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
