So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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