I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
