Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
