just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
