So drunk, too bad you don't want this
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
