You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
