Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize