He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
