So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
