the condom got lost in my hair
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
