i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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