Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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