The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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