what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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