Sry I called you an 8
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
