It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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