fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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