i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
