i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
