im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
