i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
do nipples grow back?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
