last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
