i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
