eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
third nipple confirmed
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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