I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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