According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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