My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
