alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
