On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Say something about gay babies.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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