Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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