She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
