They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
