I wannas sexs uuuuu
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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