Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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