It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
In America we eat man semen.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
