the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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