there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
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