if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
