I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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