Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
